Enjoying your life as a single woman is fantastic! And by the way, necessary for the universe to connect you to a healthy love match. But what happens when you decide you’re ready to share your world with someone, but have never mastered the love game or are fearful of it? Below are four reasons 95% of modern women desiring to be in a relationship are single.
You don’t make time
You are the professional rainmaker. Your execution and drive are exceptional. But we are all wired for human touch, companionship and warmth. And who knows, one Sunday morning sipping your cappuccino on the deck of your second home in Miami Beach, you’ll think…. WOW, I truly am a badass! And you 100% are! But you’ll also be aware an important piece of your life’s puzzle is missing. As we get older companionship becomes more important.
Consider creating a few hours weekly to get out and experience new activities. There are so many cool things to learn. There are co-ed dance classes, boxing classes, golf, reading groups, you name it. Imagine saying yes to attending a friends cooking class (you hate cooking) and low and behold your rolling dumpling with your future husband?
Making, stealing, whatever you have to do to add work-free moments-in group settings- will facilitate accepting dates you’ve been forced to turn down in the past. And, you’ll feel great about it!
Singledom Feels Fine
I am not saying being single should not feel fine. I’m just throwing out the possibility that you’ve convinced yourself that you’re happier that way. The only way to get a different outcome is to create a new desired feeling more powerful than the one keeping us where we are. When you have the freedom to come home from work, cook dinner for one, and watch anything on TV without compromise, it’s easy to want things to stay this way. Even if only on a subconscious level. You haven’t worried about factoring in someone else’s wants and needs into your bigger picture in a long time. The truth is, you sort of enjoy being able to focus fully on your amazing self. Here are some questions you can ask yourself for the discomfort of singledom to be just a bit stronger than the comfort of it. Many times that’s all you need to realize you can be both single and in a relationship and feel great.
1. In 10 years from now, how would having a long-term relationship increase your happiness?
2. What are 3 ways you could have both freedom and companionship in a fulfilling marriage?
3. What old false beliefs may be attributed to you not wanting to pursue coupledom?
EX:
A partnership requires a loss of freedom.
A partnership requires choosing I give up my successful career.
A partnership with both chemistry and true emotional safety does not exist.
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You’re Dating Equal Energy– We all have both masculine (dominant) and feminine (passive) energies within us. But each person has one energy more powerful than the other. If you lead with your masculine yang energy and try to make a romantic relationship work with someone that is also more masculine, you will butt-heads. The union will be competing and conflicting in regard to quotidian wants &responsibilities. The masculine person gives concretely. They enjoy planning trips, and dates and making logical decisions. If this also describes your preferences, there will be no one to plan or give to. There must be a receiving entity for the giving entity to be in balance. And vice-versa. According to Dr. Pat Allen transactional therapist and author of one of my favorite books called “Getting to I Do,” it’s crucial to ask one very important question prior to investing in a potential love. Are you happier as a WOMAN WITH A CAREER or as a CAREER WOMAN? A woman with a career is a woman that won’t be putting out work fires at the dinner table. She views her professional success as less important than supporting her partner to grow his. This does not mean she doesn’t take her work seriously. But…she is the goddess of water. Untamable, fluid, creative, and receptive. She is ok not having the responsibility of being the primary financial provider. The career woman on the other hand holds the conductor’s stick and manages all those in her circle. She is what my dad calls “a solid citizen.” When one needs something to get accomplished, she’s whom we look for. Low Self-Esteem– This means you do not hold yourself in high regard. Working on yourself internally is linked to your romantic success. One with high self-esteem is aware of their goddess caliber. They are confident (certain of their skills) so they pull men towards them. Half-assed partners are quickly identified and discarded. Not enough of this ingredient can be detrimental to your dating life. Low self-esteem could lead you to settle for a person you instinctually feel is not good enough for you. I said it…there are men that are a million percent not good enough for you. Mom was right. With these men, unaligned with you emotionally, spiritually, or socially, no matter your effort, the end of the honeymoon phase, will give rise to a disconnect. You will be resentful towards them for not being whom you want and resentful towards yourself for not choosing a person as conscious as you. On the other hand, you very well could meet a freaking rock star. But…low self-esteem will result in you one way or another self-sabotaging because internally you don’t feel worthy. Did you ever have someone that loves you say, “why do you never expect something great to happen to you?” Yeah, me neither :-) I’m still working on this myself and something that has been super helpful is before making a move, I ask myself, what would (fill in anyone you admire) do? If you know he/she would not do this or accept this, YOU DO NOT EITHER. For me, it’s my sister-in-law. It’s clear in the way she shows up that she is the most important being in her life. Because of this, she always attracts compatible men into her life. And she has so much more energy to give to her family and profession. We are most attractive when we are certain of who we are and love the hell out of ourselves! Have a gorgeous rest of your day!! Irene with love P.S.-If any of this resonates and you would like to discuss additional methods of opening yourself up to love, please feel free to book a complimentary session by clicking the link below |
“I am not what happened to me, I am what I choose to become”. CARL JUNG